i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
