Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
