Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
