a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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