well you can't waste a boner
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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