Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
