when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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