Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
