Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
