Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
