There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
