Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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