I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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