so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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