Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
