im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
