I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
