I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
