The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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