In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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