I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish my penis had an off switch
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
