Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
