I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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