i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
