Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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