i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
