You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
should my penis look like a turkey
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
