I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
