apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
