just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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