I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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