she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
