Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
