He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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