She's JV to your varsity
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
