She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
