I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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