fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
