Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
