Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize