I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
