i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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