Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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