shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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