the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
