I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
