Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pants are for mortals
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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