he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
