after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
