The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
