you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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