I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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